The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
