One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
