i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
