You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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