You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
