I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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