Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Randomize