You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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