just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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