I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
