Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
