he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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