He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize