My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
