just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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