I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
