Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
