Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
