..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i will never coherently bang her
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
