Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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