Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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