A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
a search helicopter?!
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Houston, we have a blender
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
