I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
