I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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