in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize