i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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