I look better un-naked...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My bed smells like the plague
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
