my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
