I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize