is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
