Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
