I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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