he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
