you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
