atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize