i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
