What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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