Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
