cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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