i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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