I want to make a zoo with you.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
