is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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