WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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