Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
