i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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