is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
