Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize