Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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