I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Can I color on your dick again?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize