the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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