don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
