My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
