Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
