I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
