Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
