I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
