I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
