Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
