I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
