His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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