I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
