The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
my being single is dangerous.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
