So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
