my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
