dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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