I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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