She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
