I will die if light touches me.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
