My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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