he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize