it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
