so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
