My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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