There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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