I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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