my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
