an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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