Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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