Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Randomize
