Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
