WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
