Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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