please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
