Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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