chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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