I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
