Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
