I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
