shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
