Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
