You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
