he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize