I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I have tasted many bathrooms
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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