I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize