pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
