I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
