I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
