it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
