As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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