dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
