i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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