Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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