Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
