I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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