I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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