Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize