There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
