you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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