I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
