I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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