I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize