plz talk dirty to me
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I need a burrito and a hug.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
